


Sometimes You Get What You Need

by inflowers



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Confessions, Falling In Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-09 15:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1988892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inflowers/pseuds/inflowers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Follows 4x05: Pound of Flesh up until Sean Cahill leaves them on the street. Harvey and Mike have an honest conversation about what this 'thing' between them really is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_“I would have come for you if you ever worked hard enough to pass out but you never did.”_   

Mike can’t help but smirk. He’s missed this. If he’s being honest, he’s missed this more than he’s missed being a lawyer. The banter that he has… had, with Harvey is second to none, and even though Amy has been a worthy opponent at times, nothing quite compares to the butterflies he gets in his stomach when he trades insults and jokes with Harvey.   

 And he knows (he’s always known) that he shouldn’t get butterflies in his stomach around someone who is _just a friend._   

He tries to focus on what’s happening. He loves Rachel, he does. He wants her to be okay, he wants her to become a lawyer and become everything that he knows she can. And he’s worried about her in this moment because she’s been working so hard and she deserves to have everything that she’s working towards. He just wishes that she didn’t have to work so hard. The same way he wishes he didn’t have to work so hard at their relationship.   

When he really thinks about it, he can pinpoint the moments where their love story started to fall apart. She’ll deny it for as long as she lives but she’s never really forgiven him for lying to her, and though they’ve certainly tried to move on and they’ve had some moments where Mike thought it could work out in the end, he can still see the distrust and hurt in her eyes when she looks at him. He wants to be sorry, wants to be sorry for lying to her and for cheating and getting something so easily that she’s working so hard for. But he can’t be. Because if he were sorry, then he would be apologizing for what was the best experience of his life. He would be apologizing for Harvey, and he won’t – no, he _can’t_ do that.   

He thought, when she forgave him, that they would be okay. He thought they would be okay when he left Pearson Specter. He thought they would be okay when Rachel started law school and was gone for eighteen hours of the day. He had been wrong at each point but he wanted so much for it to work, because if it worked with Rachel then he could finally stop thinking about Harvey. He could just focus on his career and making her happy, and maybe in a few years they could have some kids and he would just forget about the way his heart pounds faster when he’s standing near Harvey. He could just forget that when he’s alone he’s always thinking about him.   

But here, in this moment, with Harvey standing in front of him being caring and kind and all the things Mike knows him to be (even if Harvey will deny it), Mike knows that he’s not going to be able to forget. Ever. The way he feels about Harvey is just something that’s part of who he is now, and he’s been denying it for years but it’s exhausting. He turns away from Harvey because he’s terrified that the smirk on his face will give it all away – that even when the person he’s supposed to love most in the world is sick, all he wants is to laugh and make jokes with the person he _actually_ loves most in the world.

“Look, there’s a steakhouse across the street. Why don’t you and I go get something to eat?” Harvey speaking interrupts his thoughts and Mike is grateful that something interrupts the moment, but he’s not sure about dinner. He should keep up appearances. He should be here; he should be waiting for her when she wakes up. Even if he doesn’t love her the way he wants to, he does love her and she deserves someone to be at her bedside.   

“What, you gonna break the door down and wake her up?” Harvey asks sarcastically, almost sensing the thought process going on inside Mike’s head. And if that’s not the scariest thought ever then Mike’s not sure what is.   

“No,” He protests. He’s going to be here, he’s going to wait for her. He’s not going to give in to the part of him that’s screaming ‘this might be the only chance you get to mend the bridge between you and Harvey.’ He’s going to ignore that part of himself completely, if it’s the last thing he does. “I’m gonna wait outside so I can be there when she does.”   

“Yeah, which won’t happen for another eight hours because they sedated her to make sure she got some sleep. Now come on, let’s go get some food.”

And because Harvey is the best closer in New York, all it takes is that tilt of his head and Mike knows that even though he wants to be here for Rachel, he can’t fight his feelings for Harvey. Even though he’s tried and even though he wants to be able to, he just can’t.   

It’s then that he remembers. It had been so easy to forget as he focused on not letting his feelings for Harvey show, that they weren’t just old co-workers anymore. They were opposing sides. They were fighting in a war that Mike wasn’t sure would ever end, and he was pretty sure no one was ever going to win.   

“Don’t you need to be at an auction?” He says quietly, realizing that even if he could miraculously turn off his attraction one day, they might never be Harvey and Mike again.   

“Right now I don’t want to be at that sale any more than you do.”   

“You’re saying you’re willing to postpone it?”   

“I’m saying I already did. Come on.”

 And god fucking damn him. Because maybe postponing is a strategic move on Harvey’s part but all Mike can see is the human decency that people accuse Harvey of lacking. And god fucking damn if it doesn’t make Mike love him that little bit more.  

+

It isn’t until later, after Sean Cahill ambushes them on the street that Mike has cause to stop and hate Harvey the way he’s supposed to.

When Harvey promises that he’ll fix things, Mike wants to believe him. Because even after everything that’s happened since he left the firm, he trusts Harvey. He wants to be able to believe him but he walks away anyway because it’s been a long day and he just doesn’t have the energy right now.   After he’s checked on Rachel, who is still sleeping, he heads back to their apartment. He’s not sure what he’s going to do when he gets there, after seeing Harvey and having all those feelings rush back at him he feels as though he’s betraying Rachel by being in the space they share together. But he has nowhere else to go, so he showers and changes and sits down at their kitchen table with a cup of coffee. He doesn’t think he’s going to sleep tonight anyway, so no reason to deny himself something warm and comforting.

He’s lost in his thoughts when his phone buzzes next to him on the table, loudly vibrating against the wood. Picking it up he sighs heavily when he sees who the message is from.

_Can we talk? – H_

_I think we’ve said all there is to say, Harvey._

_I haven’t said what I need to say. Come over._

_I can’t. I’m going back to the hospital._

_It’s the middle of the night, Mike. Visiting hours are over. Come over. We need to sort this out._

_Sort what out? You screwing me over? Yet again?_

_No. We need to sort us out._

Mike almost chokes on his coffee. He’s waited years for Harvey to think of them as an ‘us’, but he’s not so naïve that he believes it means what he wants it to mean. He knows that more than likely, Harvey wants to sort out everything that’s happened with Gillis and Logan Sanders and Wexler. But he can’t help that familiar feeling in his stomach and he can’t help but jump up from the table and start gathering his jacket and keys.

_I’ll be over soon._

He doesn’t really remember the journey to Harvey’s. He exchanges some pleasantries with the cab driver but mostly he stays silent, fiddling with the zipper on his jacket and drumming his fingers on his knee nervously.  

That nervousness doesn’t leave him as he waits patiently outside Harvey’s door, having already knocked (probably too loudly for this time of night.)   

“You look like shit.” Harvey says as he opens the door, and of course he looks like he’s just been entertaining the President.

“Thanks, Harvey.” Mike rolls his eyes but he doesn’t move from his position in the doorway. Once upon a time he would walked into Harvey’s loft like he owned the place, but ever since he left Pearson Specter he’s felt like a guest star in Harvey’s world, and not one of the regular cast members.

“Get in here before the neighbors think I’ve taken in a stray.” Harvey says, opening the door a little wider after he senses Mike’s trepidation.

“What am I doing here?” Mike asks as he takes off his jacket, trying to relax a little and stop his hands from shaking. 

“Listen,” Harvey starts, moving towards the bar where he pours Mike a drink, “you and I haven’t been okay for a long time now. And everything that happened today just highlighted that for me. I want it to stop.”   
  
“You want what to stop, exactly?”  
  
“This bickering bullshit you and I have going on. I want it to be done so we can go back to making fun of Louis without you losing your shit about it.”  
  
“I didn’t lose my shit.”

“I get it, Mike.” Harvey says as he sets himself down on the couch, looking pointedly at the one across from him as an invitation to Mike. “I get that you feel bad about what you did to Louis. I feel bad about a lot of shit I’ve done.”  
  
“To Louis?”  
  
“Well,” Harvey chuckles, “I don’t feel entirely bad about the things I’ve done to Louis. But the things I’ve done to you… yeah, I’ve got some regrets.”  
  
“It’s business, Harvey. I get it. You need to do whatever it takes, and so do I. I learned that from you.”

“I’m glad some parts of me rubbed off on you.” 

Mike tries not to think about it, he tries not to let those kinds of words effect him but as the scotch settles in his blood and warms him from the inside out, he can’t help but thinking about all the other parts of Harvey he would like to rub off on him.

“Business or not," Harvey says, "you and I need to work this out because I can’t go on like this.” 

“Like what?”   
  
“With you hating me.”  
  
“I don’t hate you, Harvey. I never have.”  
  
“I can’t blame you for it,” Harvey continues, like he hasn’t even heard Mike. “You and I both know that I was a shit to you. I was punishing you for leaving, even though you did it to save both of our asses. But damn it, Mike. You’ve been an asshole too.”  
  
“I know. I’m – I’m sorry. If this is about the tapes-” Mike starts but Harvey keeps going, apparently not finished yet.  
  
“It’s not about the tapes, Mike. Jesus. It’s everything. It’s the fact that tonight was the first time we’ve had a civil conversation in months.”  
  
“I don’t know how to fix this.”  
  
“Well you can start by admitting that you’re pissed at me.”

“I’m not." Mike insists, "I mean, sure I’m pissed about the Wexler thing but Harvey, none of this shit has anything to do with the way I feel about you. At the end of the day, I still want to be your friend.”

“I don’t believe you.” Harvey comments, standing and walking towards the huge windows that look down on New York.   
  
“Why not?” Mike asks to the space where Harvey used to sit. “Why is that so hard to believe?”  
  
“Because there’s this _thing_ between us now, something has changed.” Harvey says, still facing away.

“Of course things have changed. I don’t work for you anymore, how was everything not going to change?”

“You not working for me anymore shouldn’t be this hard. We shouldn’t have to work so hard at our friendship.” 

“You know,” Mike says as he gets up and stands beside Harvey at the window. “This is one of the only times you’ve ever referred to us as being friends.”  
  
“And yet you’ve always know that we have been.” Harvey comments, taking a swig from his scotch before walking towards the kitchen.  
  
“I’ve always wanted to be.” Mike answers, obediently following Harvey out of habit if nothing else. “I don’t hate you, Harvey.”  
  
“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” Harvey comments sadly, uncharacteristically self deprecating.

And it’s that image, of Harvey so vulnerable and wide open that causes Mike to snap. Like he just can’t hold it in anymore and he wants to be able to explain to Harvey that the ‘thing’ between them isn’t hate, it’s love. He wants to be able to explain that the reason things have changed is because now that he doesn’t work for Harvey, all the time he used to spend being pissed at him for making him work so hard is spent wanting him. Needing him. He wants to explain all of it. 

So he does.  
  
“Don’t you get it?” Mike suddenly speaks, slamming his glass down on the ridiculously too expensive countertop. “Jesus, Harvey. I **want** to be able to hate you. I want to be able to not stand the sight of you, I want the thought of you to make my skin crawl. I want to be able to hate you Harvey because at least I’d be allowed to feel that. At least I would be allowed to hate you and I wouldn’t have to spend so much of my god damn day fighting with myself.”

Mike pauses to catch his breath but he can’t, because it’s all coming out of him whether he likes it or not and this was so not how he saw his night ending when he woke up this morning.

“I want to be able to hate you Harvey, but I can’t because I’m too busy loving the fucking hell out of you.”

“What?” It takes a second for Harvey to speak, and even longer for Mike to realize that he’s spoken.

“You heard me.” He says, the adrenaline still coursing through him like it’s the best and scariest drug he’s ever taken. “I’m done. I’m done pretending. I’ve been lying to you and to Rachel for too long and I’ve been lying to myself for even longer. So that’s it, you heard me. I love you. I love everything about you; even the things that make me want to murder you. So no, Harvey. I can’t fix this. I can’t make our friendship right again because I think it’s always been a one sided friendship. I’ve always been head over my ass in love with you and you’ve always thought of me as the Goose to your Maverick.”

The air stills between them. The sounds of city outside, which are normally comforting to Mike, suddenly become deafening. He doesn’t know where to look, his skin itches under his clothes and he wants to run but if he runs he doesn’t know where he would go. He’s in this moment and he can’t get out of it but he’s not sure that he really wants to, because then it will be over and all hope he’s ever had that maybe, just maybe Harvey might feel the same way will be gone.   
  
And all that will be left is Mike and whatever is left of his sanity.  
  
“Come here.” Harvey says from across the kitchen bench, cracking the silence like a whip.

“No.” Mike tries to stand firm, although his body is shaking and his mind is cloudy. He still hasn’t fully comprehended what he’s just said, what the ramifications of that are, and he’s too scared to move for fear that the world will come right out from under him.

“Mike.” Harvey says, gentler this time. No more commanding authority in his voice, and Mike swears he hears it crack just slightly. “Please.” 

And that’s the final nail in what Mike swears will be his coffin. He walks towards Harvey, his feet thankfully not betrayed by his brain and the feeling of dread slowly creeping through his body.   
  
“Harvey, I’m sorry-”  
  
“Why are you apologizing?” Harvey asks when Mike reaches him, and there’s maybe a meter between them but it’s about 90 centimeters too far for Harvey to be able to feel the thudding of Mike’s heart in his chest.

“I shouldn’t have said anything.” Mike drops his head and sighs heavily. “I just – I’m tired.”

“I know.” Harvey responds quietly, and reaches a hand out for Mike’s. “I am too.”   
  
“What?” Mikes eyes dart upwards, and they finally lock with Harvey’s. And right there, in Harvey’s eyes, Mike sees what he’s been looking for. Maybe what he’s been searching for his entire life. “What do you mean?”  
  
“I’m tired too.” Harvey speaks softly, sighing gently. “Of pretending that this, whatever is between us, is just some bromance based on a mutual love of movie quotes.”

“If that’s not what this is,” Mike lets Harvey take his hand and he feels the heat spreading from Harvey’s fingertips onto his skin. “Then what is it?” 

“I have no idea.” Harvey answers honestly, “But it’s been the realest thing in my life since I met you.”

“This can’t be happening.” Mike says, concentrating on the feel of Harvey’s hand in his. “This kind of thing doesn’t happen.” 

“Apparently it does.” Harvey replies, always with the suave answer.   
  
“Harvey.” He breathes, stepping close enough to him that he can feel Harvey’s warmth.  
  
“Mike.” Harvey answers, moving impossibly closer until their lips are ghosting across one another's and it’s all they can do not to lose their god damn minds because this is somehow the scariest and best thing that has ever happened to both of them and neither are sure what to do about it.  
  
It feels like they stay that close to each other for hours, but its only seconds before Mike steps away and instantly misses the connection. It’s like he’s left his heart in the space between them and the distance is almost too much to handle.

“Mike.” Harvey says pitifully, like he’s missing the intimacy as much as Mike is. 

“I want to,” Mike replies too rapidly, stumbling out words like he’s just learned how to talk. “I just – I can’t do this to Rachel.” 

Harvey nods almost imperceptibly before responding, “I get it.”   
  
“Not now anyway.” Mike keeps talking, because if he keeps talking then he won’t kiss Harvey, right? If he keeps talking then he’s distracted and he can ignore the fire in the pit of his stomach. “Not when she’s sick. I just, I need some time-”  
  
“Mike, it’s fine. I get it.”

“Do you?” Mike challenges gently. “You get how I feel about you, right? That I want this?”

“Yeah.” Harvey smiles softly, suddenly shy like Mike has never seen him before. “I get it.”

 “So I’ll…” He hesitates, shuffles his feet. “I’ll call you, I guess.” 

“Jesus Mike, this isn’t high school.” Harvey laughs, still not making eye contact.   
  
“What do you want me to say, Harvey? I’ve kind of had a lot happen in the last hour.”

“You think I haven’t? This isn’t how I saw my night panning out.”

“Where do we go from here?” Mike asks, now the tension has seemingly been broken.    
  
“You work out what you want and let me know.”  
  
“You know what I want.”

“Yeah,” Harvey nods. “And you can have it. Whenever you’re ready.”   
  
“This can’t all be my decision.”  
  
“It’s not, but you’re the only one with a girlfriend here. So it’s up to you. When you work out how you want to go forward, let me know and we’ll go from there.”  
  
“You’re making this sound like a business deal.”  
  
“I don’t know how to make it sound like anything else. I have a limit on how much emotional talk I’m capable of in one day, and I’m pretty sure I hit my limit at the hospital.”  
  
“What am I getting myself into.” Mike wonders softly, shaking his head. He’s still smiling though, and he briefly wonders to himself whether this is the first time he’s really felt happy in years. “I should go.”

“Okay.” Harvey responds, and he watches as Mike gathers his things before he walks him to the door.   
  
With the door open, they stand awkwardly together, neither of them sure what to do. It’s Harvey who finally initiates it, grabbing Mike firmly by the jacket and wrapping his arms around him. It’s somehow so different than Mike expected it to be, and yet it’s everything he needs it to be. They stay wrapped in each other for longer than would ever be considered appropriate ‘bro-hugging’, but neither of them make a move to separate.  
  
“I’m sorry.” Harvey says so quietly that Mike almost doesn’t hear him.  
  
“What for?” He asks as they reluctantly let go of one another.  
  
“That I never said anything. You know, before.”

“Me too.” Mike says before offering one last gentle smile and leaving Harvey’s apartment.   
  
Later, when he’s somehow made it home without floating away (and if that thought doesn’t make Mike feel like a teenage girl, he’s not sure what will), he changes out of his clothes and falls into bed. He hasn’t showered so his skin still smells like Harvey’s cologne, and he can feel himself slowly melting into sleep when his phone buzzes softly on the nightstand next to him.  
  
 _I hope you get how I feel about you too – H._  
  
 _I get it – M._


	2. If You Try Sometimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of conversations that happen after Mike and Harvey have 'the talk.'

It takes weeks for Mike to gather the courage to tell Rachel. He puts it off time and time again because she’s too busy or he’s too busy and he’s only grateful for their interruptions because it means he’s spending less time with her. He knows he should feel horrible about that, but the less time he spends with her the less time he’s pretending to feel something that he just doesn’t.

And Harvey, to his credit, is nothing but patient and understanding. They don’t have much contact with one another after the Gillis matter is finalised, and Mike is relieved that he doesn’t have to fight with Harvey anymore, but pained that it means they don’t see each other for weeks. They exchange text messages every few days, mostly pleasantries that don’t say what they really want to say to each other, but Mike asked for time and space to tell Rachel and Harvey wants Mike so much he’s willing to give it to him.

It’s a Friday afternoon when he finally tells her. She’s caught up with her studying (for now) and Harvey doesn’t have any pressing business for her at the firm so she comes home early (and by early it means before eight) and they order take out. Mike knows he has to do it. It’s the right time, there’s never going to be another opportunity quite like this one and he has to sever this now before he hurts her even more.

“Rachel,” He starts, the word almost getting caught in his throat. “I need to tell you something.” 

“So do I.” She says after a few seconds of silence. “You’re not going to like it.”   
  
“Oh.” Mike wasn’t expecting this, but part of him is hoping she breaks up with him so he doesn’t have to be the dirt bag in this scenario. “Okay, you go first…”  
  
“I - ” She hesitates, sighing heavily. “Logan kissed me. And I didn’t stop him right away. But I swear Mike, it was just a mistake and it doesn’t mean anything and I’m so sorry.”

“When?” Mike asks, and he knows that’s not what he should be worried about. 

“A few weeks ago. Before the Gillis deal closed.”

“Okay.” Mike responds after considering it for a moment. He can’t really be outraged, can he? He can’t really be _that_ upset considering the conversation he had with Harvey a few weeks ago. It wasn’t physical cheating but it was definitely emotional cheating, and Mike genuinely believes that’s worse.

“Okay?” She asks incredulously, like she can’t believe that’s his response. “That’s all you can say?” 

“I have to tell you something too, Rach. I-, god, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to have to tell you this; I don’t want to be that guy that does this to you…”   
  
“Are you breaking up with me?” It hangs in the air between them like she’s hoping he’ll say no and rush over to her and he’s hoping that if he says yes that might be the end of the conversation.

“Yes.” He finally says. “And I wish that was all but I have to tell you something else,” He lets her take a second to breathe before continuing, “because you’ll probably find this out from someone else and I can’t do that to you it’s just that I…. I think I might be … actually,” he coughs, struggling to find the words, “I know that I’m in love with someone else.” 

“Who is she?” Rachel demands, sadness suddenly replaced with an anger Mike thinks is somewhat hypocritical from a woman who just admitted to kissing someone else.   
  
“That’s the thing - ” He says, trying to stay calm and tell her the truth because she deserves to know the truth. “It’s a he.”  
  
“What?” She’s momentarily stunned, like she can’t quite comprehend what’s happening. “You’re gay?”

“I don’t think so – I mean,” He doesn’t know how to explain it to her because he doesn’t entirely understand it himself, “Maybe I’m bi.”

“Jesus, I feel sick.” She turns away from him and walks toward the window, bracing herself against the glass with one hand and another clutching her stomach.

“In another universe Rachel, you would be it for me.” Mike says softly after a few minutes pass in silence. “I want so much for you to be it, I want so much to be in love with you and give you everything that you deserve but I just can’t.” His voice breaks slightly and he tries to cough to hold it back but he just can’t anymore. “And I’m so sorry for that.” 

“Don’t.”   
  
“Rach-” He moves towards her, reaching out to somehow comfort her.  
  
“Don’t call me that. Don’t touch me. Just don’t.”  
  
“I’m so sorry…”  
  
“You let me fall in love with you.” She whispers softly, a stray tear falling from her cheek and landing on the collar of her shirt. She’s not looking at him, and Mike isn’t sure whether that’s better or worse. “Who is it?”  
  
“It’s not important who it is. What’s important is how fucking sorry I am that I did this to you. I can’t imagine my life without you in it, and I don’t want to lose you completely over this – you didn’t deserve this.” He pleads with her, trying to get her to understand.  
  
“No, I didn’t deserve it.” She suddenly turns back to him, and he sees a fire in her eyes that he’s never seen before. It burns a hole right through him and he’s taken aback by how quickly her sadness has turned to anger. He expected her to be upset, but he never expected the rage that she’s directing at him. She yells at him for what feels, to him, like hours. He tunes in and out because he’s trying so hard not to lose his mind and he wants to take it all in because he deserves it. Because he never should have gotten into a relationship with her when he knew all along that he loved Harvey and it was never fair to her. So he listens and lets her throw things at him and doesn’t try to touch her when she cries.

He tries to be understanding and goes to leave when she screams at him to get out, but she stops him before he does and says one last thing.

And that’s when he feels like the world has fallen out from underneath him.

So he goes to the only place he knows he’ll be safe.

+

He knocks twice before the door is opened and he doesn’t wait for a greeting before he speaks.

“Kiss me.” 

“Whoa, Mike. Slow down. What’s wrong?” Harvey replies, leaning his head back when Mike moves in.  
  
“I don’t want to talk about it, just kiss me.” Mike pleads, ripping off his jacket and throwing it over a chair as he stalks towards Harvey who keeps walking backwards.

“No, come on. Talk to me.” 

“I don’t want to talk. I’ve talked enough.” 

“So you told her.” Harvey guesses, because the Mike standing in front of him is manic and dishevelled and not at all the person he knows Mike to be.   
  
“Yeah, I told her Harvey.”  
  
“And how did that go?”  
  
“Didn’t I tell you that I don’t want to talk about it?” He says in frustration, hands clenching at his sides. “Can you please just kiss me so I can just forget this whole day happened?”  
  
“No, stop it.” Harvey says, pushing Mike away with enough force that he stumbles and has to catch himself before he falls over.  
  
“What the hell, Harvey?” Mike exclaims, steadying himself. “You know what, screw this. I’m out of here.”  
  
“Don’t even think about storming out of here, Mike.” Harvey demands as Mike reaches the door.  
  
“Why the hell not?”  
  
“Because you’re a god damn adult and you need to start acting like one.” He replies, moving to the kitchen and towards the fridge and expecting that Mike will follow. He does.  
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
  
“It means that some conversations suck but need to be had, so sit your god damn ass down and talk about what happened.”  
  
“I’ve never seen her so angry.” Mike says finally, after a few long seconds of silence.  “She’s going to tell everyone, Harvey.”  
  
“About us?”  
  
“No. About me. About me never going to Harvard.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“She’s so angry, and she just kept telling me that I made a fool out of her so she’s going to do the same to me. She kept saying that she knows so many of my secrets now one is bound to slip out.”  
  
“She won’t tell, Mike.” Harvey tries to be reassuring but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t somewhat worried. He can’t blame Mike for being all wound up when someone he thought he could trust is threatening to betray him in the worst way.  
  
“How can you know that?”  
  
“She’s just angry. She wants to hurt you, but give her some time. I don’t think she’ll do it.”  
  
“And what if she does?” Mike asks after a minute’s contemplation. He looks at Harvey with those eyes that could make anyone do anything and all Harvey wants to do is make sure nothing ever ruins him again. If only he could.  
  
“Then we cross that bridge if we have to. We’ve always known this could happen, Mike.”

“I’m not taking you down with me.” Mike comments, averting his eyes away from Harvey’s intense gaze. “If she tells, I’ll deny you ever knew anything about it.”

“What, you don’t think it would be kind of fun to be in prison together?” Harvey jokes gently, raising an eyebrow.   
  
“Are you serious?” Mike laughs, and it’s the most genuine smile Harvey has seen from him in days. “I’m having a breakdown and you’re trying to hit on me?"

“When I decide to hit on you Mike,” and Harvey is back to his intense stare, “you’ll know about it.” 

“When, not if?” Mike questions slyly, his head ducking slightly.   
  
“When.” Harvey smiles softly, and Mike can’t help but momentarily forget his sheer panic at the idea that his life may be about to fall apart because Harvey Specter is flirting with him and that’s all he can think about.  
  
“It’s going to be okay, you know.”  
  
“Okay.” Mike breathes, steadying himself.

Wanting so much to believe that’s true. ]

+

Harvey appears at Rachel’s door the next morning, to everyone else looking picture perfect. But those who really knew him would be able to see the tired eyes and the not-quite-so-close shave, all tell tale signs of a stressed out Harvey Specter. He’d spent all night talking Mike off a ledge, only to have him fall asleep on his couch. Harvey will never admit it but he stayed up all night just to watch over him, to make sure he slept and wasn’t tormented by ‘what ifs.’   
  
“Don’t do this to him.” He speaks quietly, not wanting to alarm anyone else in the firm. But he speaks firmly, in the hopes that maybe he’ll be able to get through to her.  
  
“You would say that, wouldn’t you?” Rachel comments without looking up from her computer screen.

“Please, Rachel.”   
  
“Why, so you won’t be caught in the crossfire? You have enough plausible deniability Harvey, I’m sure you’ll come out of it unscathed.”  
  
“No, it’s not about me.”  
  
“Then tell me why I shouldn’t? He lied to me. For years before we were dating and then for months after we started. He lied about who he is.”  
  
“Maybe it wasn’t a lie. Maybe he just wasn’t sure who he is until now.”

“That’s a cop out. He had to have some idea and he still made me believe that he loved me.”   
  
“I think he does love you, just not in the way you want him to.”

"Why are you here, Harvey?”  
  
“Because I’m asking you not to do it. I’m begging you. He doesn’t deserve this.”  
  
“And you think I deserve to feel the way I do now? He made a fool out of me.”  
  
“No, of course not. But I don’t think it was intentional, you doing this will be. You understand that he’ll probably go to prison, right? Prison, Rachel. And even if by some miraculous chance he doesn’t, this will ruin his life. After everything that has happened to him he doesn’t deserve for his life to be ruined because he was finally honest about who he is.”  
  
“Oh my god.” Rachel says softly, realization dawning on her face.  
  
“What?” Harvey asks, taking a step back defensively, almost as though he knows what she’s about to say.  
  
“It’s you.”

“Rachel-“ 

“How could I never have seen it?” She wonders out loud, more to herself than anything. “Of course, it all makes sense. You were always too close to be just friends… Of course it’s you.”   
  
“Rachel, I-”  
  
“You know, don’t you?”  
  
“Know what?”  
  
“That he loves you. You know that you’re the reason he left me.”

He waits a moment before answering. He could lie, feign ignorance. Pretend he knows nothing. 

But Harvey is nothing if not honest, and she deserves honesty. So he nods and says almost too softly to hear, “Yeah. I know.”

“And you feel the same way about him?” 

“How I feel about him isn’t important, Rachel. What’s important is that this isn’t something you’ll be able to take back. I know you, better than you think I do. You aren’t a vindictive person, and if you do this… if you ruin his life, you’ll want to take it back later.”

“How do you know that?” 

“Because the anger will wear off.” Harvey says simply, like it should be obvious. “Maybe you and Mike will never be friends. Maybe you’ll never really forgive him for lying to you, but after awhile you won’t be this angry and you’ll want to go back and change what you did. But you won’t be able to.”   
  
“You would say anything to stop me from doing it.”  
  
“That’s true,” Harvey agrees, nodding. “But it doesn’t mean that what I’m saying isn’t true too. I’ve done so many shitty things that I wish I could take back and I’m not even half as good a person as you are. Just think about it, Rachel. Because I know you’re hurt and I know that you’re angry but ruining his life is not going to make you hurt less.”

He turns and leaves her office without giving her a chance to respond, because he’s hoping against hope that his words will get through to her. He’s hoping that she’ll come to realization that revenge never feels as good as you want it to, but a lifetime of regret is pure torture.

Physically shaking the feeling of dread out of his bones, he walks back to his office determined to concentrate on the merger in front of him and ignore the feeling of worry that has seemingly moved into his gut.

He makes it until the end of the day relatively unscathed, only tripping on a few minor points of law that Louis mocks him about endlessly and he can’t even bring himself to fire back at him. Instead, he throws himself into the back of his town car and asks Ray to drive to Sidwell, occupying himself on the drive by catching up on emails.

They pull up outside of Mike’s building just as Mike is leaving, and Harvey can’t help but smirk at how much of a cliché it is for him to be leaning against the car waiting for him. 

Mike spots him as he exits the glass doors and even though he’s got the same boulder of concern in his stomach that Harvey does, he can’t help but smile.

“Get in.” Harvey says, motioning towards the door. 

“What are you doing here?” Mike asks, not unhappy to see him but genuinely surprised.   
  
“We’re going somewhere.”  
  
“Together?”

Harvey gives him ‘the look’ and Mike realizes what a stupid question it was so he stops talking and gets into the car. He wants to ask where they’re going but Mike knows Harvey better than that. If he wanted Mike to know, he would have said something already.

It isn’t until they’re almost there that Mike realizes Harvey has driven them back to Pearson Specter.

“Harvey, I don’t want-”

“It’s fine, Mike.” Harvey reassures, reaching across them and laying a hand on Mike’s thigh. It’s the most contact they’ve had in weeks and Mike tries hard to focus on anything other than the heat that is pouring off Harvey’s body and through his clothes. So Mike trusts Harvey when he says it’ll be fine, and confidently steps into the foyer of a building where so many of his battles have taken place.

“Jared.” Harvey speaks to the security guard, but Mike isn’t really listening, just taking in his surroundings. It’s amazing how he could be in a place every day and not really appreciate it. The glass walls, the art, the people hurrying to leave and go home to their families. It’s like now that he feels as though his life is ending, he’s appreciating all the things he never took the time to before.

Suddenly Harvey grabs Mike’s jacket and pulls him towards the elevators, almost shoving him inside. Mike expects him to press the floor for his office, but instead he produces a swipe card and waves it in front of a reader.

“What floor are we going to?” Mike asks curiously.

“The roof.” Harvey responds, and it isn’t long before the doors open and they step out into a landing. There are a few flights of stairs above them that Harvey takes in his stride, always expecting Mike to follow. When they reach the top Harvey uses the swipe access again and pushes a door open to reveal the huge expanse of the Manhattan rooftop. It’s just on sunset when it’s not quite night but the twinkling lights have all come on, and Mike can’t quite believe he’s never seen the city like this before.

“Shit, Harvey.” Mike exclaims, running across the concrete to the edge of the building. “This is incredible.”

“It’s awesome, huh.” Harvey comments, clearly having been up here before. “I come up here sometimes when I want to get out of the city but don’t have the time to actually go anywhere. It seems crazy but from up here, you could really be anywhere.”

Mike surveys the streets below and breathes deeply; thinking that somehow the air up here feels cleaner. He turns back towards Harvey who is still standing back from the edge.

“Come here.”

“I don’t really like going to close to the edge.” Harvey admits shyly.

“Are you scared?” Mike almost teases, but it’s gentle and he’s not one to begrudge a person their fears.

“Harvey Specter isn’t scared of anything.”

“Then why doesn’t Harvey Specter come and stand here with Mike Ross?” Mike asks, smirking. “Seriously Harvey, I promise it’s not bad.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.” Mike swears, crossing his heart for effect.

As Harvey inches closer to the edge where Mike has one hand on the ledge, he can’t help but feel as though he’s moving towards something that is both scary and wonderful. And he’s not sure whether that’s the edge of the skyscraper or a life with Mike Ross. But he’s still moving forward and before long Mike is right there, and Harvey’s hand moves to Mike’s on the ledge and they stare at each other like it’s the first time they’ve ever seen one another. They stare at each other like they’re waiting for something to happen, for the other shoe to drop, for some catastrophe that will mean what’s about to happen won’t.

Except no catastrophe comes. The building stays steady beneath them, the traffic sounds nothing but distant reminders that they aren’t in their own world and as the sun sets behind them Harvey reaches a hand up and cups it around Mike’s cheek.

“What if, when we finally do this,” Mike whispers, just inches away from Harvey’s lips, “it’s not what we thought it’ll be? What if there isn’t any chemistry between us?” 

“Do you really think that’s a possibility?” Harvey almost laughs and the soft breath of air that he exhales sends shivers from Mike’s toes to the top of his head. “I’ve never been anything but excellent at this.”

“Okay.” Mike breathes, and Harvey moves the final few inches towards him and captures his lips in a kiss. It’s soft at first, which isn’t what Mike was expecting. Harvey is a commanding man and Mike had always assumed that their first kiss would be a fight for control. But as he responds to Harvey’s lips on his, their kiss deepens and the horns honking in the background finally fade away and the only thing they can hear is the sound of them falling in love.

+

It’s a week later when Rachel tentatively knocks on Harvey’s office door after giving Donna a look that meant Donna knew better than to try and stop her.

“What is it, Rachel?” Harvey sighs heavily, because the last week has been the best and the worst of his life. Having this ‘thing’ hanging over them while trying to work out what they are to each other has taken its toll on both Harvey and Mike. And right now, Harvey can’t bring himself to care what fresh hell Rachel is serving up.

“I’m not going to tell.” She says quietly, stepping into his office and closing the door behind her. “You were right, you know. About the anger. For the first few days,” she keeps talking as she moves towards Harvey’s couch and he stands from his desk and follows her. “For the first few days I was so angry I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to destroy his life because I felt like he destroyed mine.” 

“And then?” Harvey prompts gently, because as much as he wants to hate Rachel for even threatening to expose Mike, he always had hope she would come to this conclusion.

“Then I realized that as much as I want to hate him, I’m still so in love with him. And I can’t hurt someone that I love that much.”

“Rachel…” Harvey starts but he doesn’t really know where he’s going with this.

“No, it’s fine.” She interrupts. “I know it’s pathetic of me to be in love with someone who is never going to love me back. At least not the way I want him to.”

“That’s not what I was going to say,” Harvey begins but is interrupted again.

“It doesn’t matter. The thing is, I can’t hurt him. As angry as I was and as hurt as I feel, I want him to be happy. It’s not my story to tell, and I just want you to know that I’m not going to.”

“I don’t know what to say.” Harvey says, speechless for one of the first times in his life.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Rachel says as she stands up and smooths down her skirt. “I just wanted you to know. And I wanted to ask you a favor.”

“Anything.” Harvey says immediately, surprising even himself.

“Tell Mike for me. I’m not ready to talk to him yet,” she breathes deeply, “but I want him to know that I’m not angry anymore.”

“Okay.”

He moves back behind his desk and she’s almost at the door when she turns and speaks to again.

“Another thing, Harvey?”

“Yeah?” He answers, looking up from the papers on his desk.

“I meant it when I said I want him to be happy. If you make him happy, then that’s good.” 

She doesn’t wait for him to say anything, turning on her heels and walking confidently down the corridor. Harvey, having processed what has just happened, has cause to stop and think to himself that one day, she’s going to make an amazing lawyer.

He pulls out his phone and dials Mike’s number which has been committed to memory for longer than he would ever admit.

“Hey.” Mike answers after the second ring, and Harvey can hear the smile in his voice.

“Hey.”

“What’s up?”

“I just had a conversation with Rachel.” 

“Shit.” Mike says immediately as though he’s already accepted his fate. “When is she going to do it?”

“She’s not.” Harvey replies and he can hear the way Mike’s breath catches in his throat in what he knows is relief.

“She’s not?” 

“No. Like I told you, the anger was eventually going to go away. She just needed to see the bigger picture. In the end, she just wants you to be happy.”   
  
“She said that?” Mike asks incredulously, like it’s the last thing he was expecting from her.

“Yeah. She wanted me to tell you that she’s not angry anymore, and that she wants you to be happy.” Harvey pauses for a second, and surprises himself with a softer side. “That’s what I want too.” 

“Yeah?” Mike smiles into his phone halfway across town. “Okay.”   
  
“Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. You wanting me to be happy is all I really need. Can I see you tonight?”

“How about right now?” Harvey proposes, already standing from his desk and putting on his coat. 

“Right now? Harvey it’s 2 o’clock in the afternoon. We’re at work.”   
  
“And? I’m the boss, I can do whatever I want.”  
  
“I can’t!” Mike laughs, but Harvey already knows he’s won the battle. “Where do you want to meet?”

“My place.” 

“Okay. See you in twenty.”

“Mike.” Harvey says before they hang up, and Mike stops in his tracks to listen. “I don’t know when I’m going to be able to say it…”

 “It’s okay, Harvey.” 

“No, it’s not. I just – I don’t know when I’m going to be able to say it, but you know, right?”

 “Yeah.” Mike says after a second. “Yeah, I know.”


	3. My Love is My Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens next.

"So this thing with you and Mike…" Donna starts one morning, casually strolling into Harvey's office and draping herself in the chair near his desk. "What's the deal?"

"None of your business." Harvey grunts in reply, never looking up from his laptop screen. "Did you schedule a meeting with Davidson for me?"

"Of course." She scoffs, because as if Donna would ever forget something. "Now answer my question. And before you say it's none of my business, let me remind you that I run your life for you. If you intend to make Mike a large part of that life, I need to know in order to appropriately manage your time."

She seems quite pleased with herself as she stretches out in the chair and waits patiently for Harvey to answer. And Harvey, never one to be rattled by Donna and her antics, calmly looks up and smirks at her.

"Donna."

"Yes, boss?"

"I intend to make Mike a large part of my life. Please manage my schedule accordingly." 

He laughs silently to himself as she huffs loudly and storms out the door.

"This isn't over." She calls from her cubicle. 

"Yes, it is." He answers back, before turning his attention towards the pile of contracts stacked neatly in the corner of his desk. He knows that she'll find out eventually, she has a way of doing so and if he's being honest he doesn't much care if she finds out all the gory details in the end. But he's enjoying the so called 'honeymoon' phase (and he shudders as he thinks it, because since when did he believe in such clichés?), and he doesn't want to share it all just yet. It's still too fresh and too new, and more than that he's acutely aware of the paralegal down the corridor from his office who is still wearing fresh wounds. He's never cared too much for Rachel, always found her a little bit too doe-eyed and entitled for his liking, but he's not a complete dick. He's not going to flaunt his relationship around the office in front of a girl who had the future she'd planned for herself ripped out from underneath her. He's not that much of an asshole.

His email chime snaps him back to focus and he smirks as he sees it's from Mike.

 **From:** michael.ross@sidwellinvestment.com  
 **To:** harveyspecter@pearsonspecter.com  
 **Subject** : Hey

What are you doing?

_**Michael Ross**_  
Investment Banker  
Sidwell Investment Group

As much as Harvey can feel himself falling into overwhelming, undeniable, potentially catastrophic love with Mike Ross, he can’t help but laugh sometimes at how much he’s still the overly enthusiastic young man who often acts as though he’s much younger than he really is. And while that once used to irritate Harvey when he was trying to get Mike to do something serious, he now revels in Mike’s childlike joy at the simpler things in life. Including inane small talk, and flirty text messages, and emails that have no point except to reach out and say, “hey, I was just going about my day and I found myself thinking about you and I wanted you to know it.”

Harvey might once have responded to such an email with a snarky question about why it mattered, but he knows (as perhaps he’s always known) that Mike has mellowed his cold and bitter heart, and he can’t bring himself to be anything other than delighted that Mike was taking time out from his busy work day to touch base with him.  

 **To:** michael.ross@sidwellinvestment.com  
 **From:** harveyspecter@pearsonspecter.com  
 **Subject:** re: Hey

Working on some contracts. What are you doing?

 ** _Harvey Specter_**  
Managing Partner  
Pearson Specter

And so it continued throughout the morning.

_Chasing up some leads. Hiding from Sidwell._

**Why this time?**

_He’s just a giant douchebag who thrives on making my life a living hell._

**You never should have left me.**

_If I hadn’t left you, you might never have realized how much you couldn’t live without me._

**I think I’d have worked it out eventually.**

_Not worth the risk. Dinner tonight?_

**Yes. I’ll cook.**

_Since when can you cook?_

**Any more smartass comments and you won’t find out.**

_Sorry, I was channeling my frustrations with Sidwell._

**Tell him to put a cork in it or I’ll come down there and do it for him.**

_Ha. Thanks for trying, Harvey but I don’t think he’d appreciate my boyfriend fighting my battles for me._

**Boyfriend, huh?**  
  
 _Yep_

**See you tonight, boyfriend.**

+

Harvey finally pockets his blackberry sometime around lunchtime, and doesn’t hear from Mike until later that evening as he’s getting in the car.

_I think I’m going to be here for a few more hours. Rain check on dinner?_

Harvey mulls it over for a second before asking Ray to drive him to Mike’s building. Once there, he barely nods at the security guard who knows better than to question Harvey’s presence, particularly when he hasn’t seen Mike leave yet. Harvey finds Mike hunched over his computer in his office, and it doesn’t get past Harvey that there isn’t anyone else around. He’s not sure why Mike has to be the one carrying the entire burden, but he realizes that’s a conversation for another time.

“I can’t remember you ever working this hard for me, rookie.”

Mike’s head snaps up as he finally notices Harvey standing in the doorway. Harvey would never admit how long he was waiting there, watching Mike work, but it was definitely more than five minutes. The way his fingers fly over the keys, the way his shoulders flex with each movement. It takes everything Harvey has in him to stand his ground and not drag Mike away from his desk. It’s not lost on Harvey that the smile Mike gives in return is probably the most genuine one he’s had all day.

“I never had to,” Mike smirks, leaning back in his chair and flexing those damn muscles again. “Working for you was a piece of cake. This is the big league.”

“Fuck you,” Harvey laughs, taking a seat on Mike’s couch.

“You might get to if I ever get out of here.” Mike sighs heavily and turns back to his computer. “As glad as I am that you’re here, I don’t think I can leave for a little while yet.”

 “I know.” Harvey responds, waving the file he brought in with him at Mike. “I’m just going to sit here and do some work until you’re ready to leave.”

“Why?” Mike questions, raising an eyebrow. “You could be doing that at home or in your own office…”

“What, suddenly I need a reason to want to spend time with you? I thought you were my _boyfriend_.” Harvey teases lightly, his attention still focused on the contract in front of him.

“Fair enough.” Mike concedes, smiling although Harvey isn’t looking at him. A few minutes pass in silence, the two of them working away when suddenly Mike looks up and asks Harvey, “so what are you working on?”

 “I knew it!” Harvey exclaims, startling Mike.

“Knew what?”

“You couldn’t resist. You miss being a lawyer, I knew it.”

“I didn’t say that,” Mike starts to protest but he doesn’t really have it in him to fight it. “I was just curious.”

“Admit it, Mike. You miss it. Even when you had to work late, you were never unhappy about it. You hate this place.”

“It's just teething problems.” Mike tries to rationalize, because he can’t quit just because he’s having a bad day (bad week, bad month if he’s being honest). He has responsibilities, he has a reputation. He can’t just go around quitting every job when it gets too hard, even if it makes him miserable. “It’ll get better. I’ll get used to it.”

“You shouldn’t have to.” Harvey sighs, getting up and sitting in the chair directly across from Mike. “You’re good at this job, but you’re not an investment banker. You’re a lawyer.”

“I’m **not** a lawyer though, that was our problem.”

 “It was never a problem that we couldn’t handle.” Harvey says simply, as though he’s daring Mike to tell him all the reasons why they were wrong to have started their lie. Because Mike couldn’t think of a single one – he's never been able to. Everything that had happened was hard and good and meaningful and he would never regret a single second of it.

“What do you want me to say, Harvey? That I miss being a lawyer? Fine, I miss being a lawyer. I miss working at the firm. I miss my stupid cubicle in the bull pen and I miss working next to you every day. I miss all of it.”

“I knew it.” Harvey smiles, crossing his arms. “You’re just like Louis. You eat, sleep and breathe Pearson Specter.”

“That’s not true.” Mike laughs, because the absurdity of this evening is all just a little too much. His ex-boss turned current-boyfriend trying to convince him that his new career, not fraught with the risk of going to jail, isn’t nearly as good for him as his old career that is. “I eat, sleep and breathe _Harvey_ Specter.”

 “Then come home with me and prove it.” Harvey stands, before rounding Mike’s desk and dragging him to his feet. “We’ll work everything else out later.”   

“Everything else?”

“Come on, Mike.” Harvey scoffs as he grabs both of their jackets and shuffles them towards the door. “You knew the second we started this thing that it was always going to end with you back at the firm. With me. Where you belong.”

“You're probably right." Mike concedes, because he's too tired to fight it anymore. He thinks he's enjoyed parts of working at Sidwell, but it's never set his heart thudding the way being a lawyer had.  
  
"By the way Harvey,” Mike stops in the door and turns before kissing Harvey soundly, “Telling me I'm just like Louis is not the best seduction technique you've ever tried.”   
  
"Like I've ever needed to try." Harvey laughs, grabbing Mike's hand and pulling them out of his office. 

+

"I want Ross back." Harvey announces the next morning as he pushes open the door to Jessica's office.

"Are you out of your god damn mind?" Jessica counters, slowly looking up from her desk and watching Harvey intently with  _that look_ \- that look that means he should tread very carefully before he speaks any further. "You can't be serious."

"I'm completely serious. I told you once before that if he goes, I go. I'm standing by that. If he can't come back, then I'll go somewhere else. With him."

"Your non-compete says you won't."

"I'll get out of my non-compete. After all, I'll have Mike Ross on my side and he can find a loophole in anything."

"I'd like to see you try. I drafted that agreement myself, Harvey. I know how airtight it is."

"It's not going to come to that, Jessica." He sighs, crossing his legs in the chair. "You and I both know that we can discuss this until the end of time, but the bottom line is whatever risk he poses to us, we're better with him than without. _I'm_ better with him."

"Does this have anything to do with the rumors I've heard about you and Mr Ross?"

"What rumors would they be?" Harvey smirks, because he wants her to say it out loud. He wants her to tell him that she knows, so he can tell her that he doesn't care if she knows.

"Harvey, even if I were to entertain the idea that he could come back, he can't be your associate if you're in a ... personal relationship with him."

"Those rules were put in place so people wouldn't receive any special treatment. Mike _already_ receives special treatment - I hired him without a god damn degree. You gave him an office when he was a junior associate. He's been getting special treatment since the moment he got here and everybody has just had to deal with it. Face it, Jessica - Mike is part of my team. Always has been, always will be. Either he comes back or we're going to have a problem."

Jessica stands from her desk and walks towards the window, crossing her arms and staring out at the Manhattan skyline.

"God damn you for putting us in this position again, Harvey. I thought we were finished with this."

"When it comes to Mike, I don't think I'll ever be finished."

Jessica's lips turn up in a hint of a smile as she turns back towards Harvey, and even he can't help but duck his head at the uncharacteristically romantic comment.

"Give me until the end of the day. I need to consider whether having him here is worth keeping you here."

"I doubt it'll take you until the end of the day to come up with the answer to that question, but you take your time." Harvey chuckles as he leaves her office, knowing that conversation went as well as could be expected.

Pulling out his phone he fires a quick text to Mike before strutting back down the corridor to his office.

_We need to buy you some new suits, kid. Your Sidwell look isn't going to cut it at Pearson Specter._

+

Two weeks later, Mike stands ready for the doors to open to the Pearson Specter entrance. Harvey had offered to wait for him earlier that morning so they could arrive together, but Mike knew that he needed to go in alone. He was back to conquer his Everest, and he couldn't have Harvey's hand in his to do it, as right as that felt. He takes a deep breath as the elevator doors open, and steps out. He takes a second to stop and stare at the words hanging on the wall, and he breathes deeply again as he feels the swell of pride seeing Harvey's name right there in front of him. It's a different kind of pride he felt when he was just Harvey's associate. This is the pride reserved for someone who is overwhelmingly proud of someone they love, someone they can't believe they're so lucky they get to share their life with.

Unfortunately, that feeling is short lived as Mike hears a sharp "Ross!" from behind him, and he doesn't need to turn around to know who it is.

"Louis." Mike smiles, putting his hand out to shake Louis' though he knows Louis won't return the gesture. "How have you been?"

"I've just had a mud bath and Bruno 2 has stopped shitting in my bedroom, I'm fan-freakin-tastic." Louis rapid fires. "But enough of this inane talk, get your ass down to the bullpen. I've got work for you to do."  
  
"Actually, Louis… Harvey wants me to work on some of his things to start with." Mike can't help but smile as he thinks about setting up his workstation in the corner of Harvey's office. Just like old times, except so different.

"Typical Harvey." Louis mutters, shaking his head. "Self-entitled prick."

"Hey." Mike starts, before quickly remembering that here, he isn't a partner who can stick up for his boyfriend. Here, he's an associate talking to a partner and he needs to keep it together. "Never mind. Listen, Louis - I'll come by your office in the next few days and pick up whatever you need me to do. But I'm running late now so I've gotta go."

"Fine, go." Louis says, before quickly walking away to spare himself any more awkward chatter.

Mike walks quickly towards Harvey's office, and he's almost there when he comes across the one person he's not sure how to interact with yet. He knew this day would come eventually, but he never thought it would be like this.

"Rachel."

"Mike." She says quietly, not meeting his eyes. "I heard you were coming back."

"Yeah." He answers, his shoes suddenly particularly interesting. "You look good."  
  
"Thanks." She finally looks up at him and smiles. "So do you. You look… happy."  
  
There's a brief moment between them where Mike feels as though he could say so much, but he knows it's not the right time or place. He hopes one day he'll be able to explain it all to her, to let her know that he had no intention of hurting her and that he did really love her, if not the way she really needed to be loved. And not the way he loves Harvey.

“Thanks.” He finally says, because he can’t pretend that he’s not. He’s happier now than he thinks he’s ever been, and he finally feels as though he’s exactly where he’s supposed to be. More than that, he finally feels as though he's exactly who he is supposed to be. “How have you been?”

“I’m okay.” She seems as though she’s trying, as though she doesn’t want to punish him anymore and he is grateful for that. He’s also grateful that she’s not letting him completely off the hook, because he feels bad about what he’s done to her and he wants to feel bad about it, if only to remind himself that playing with other peoples hearts is never okay. “I just… I want you to know that I don’t hate you anymore.”  
  
“Okay…” He starts, and he waits for her to finish her thought because it’s the least he can do.

“I’m not sure I ever did. I tried to. I wanted to. Some days I still want to, but you were my friend before we started what we did, and I think one day I’ll want you to be my friend again.”

He smiles at her, sincerely happy that she feels that way. But he lets her keep talking because it’s the first time they’ve seen each other since it all went wrong and he understands she might have more to say.

“But I want you to know I’m not there yet. I’m not going to ignore you in the hallway or get up and leave every time you walk into a room, but I can’t be your friend yet. I just wanted you to know that it’s not because I hate you.”  
  
“I get it.” He says softly, not wanting to cause any more of a scene than his return already has. “I completely understand where you’re coming from. Whatever you need is cool. For what it’s worth Rach, I really hope one day we can be friends. I really care about you, and I’m always going to be here if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Mike.” She almost whispers, before turning on her heels and quickly walking into her office where she closes the door and stands with her back to the office. Mike knows it’s likely because she had been envisaging their first conversation for weeks, and needs to debrief. He knows better than to go after her. All things considering, he thinks the interaction went about as well as he could ever expect.

He finally makes it to Harvey’s office just after nine, after being stopped countless times in the corridor by assorted employees welcoming him back. He should be grateful that they’re all so welcoming, but all he wants is to see Harvey and to know that everything is going to work out. He wants to know that he’s not always going to feel as though he’s come crawling back after his new life didn’t quite work out the way he planned.

“The prodigal son returns.” Donna smiles as she stands from her desk and brings Mike into a firm hug. It’s the most affection he’s ever received from her, and he’s not stupid enough that he doesn’t recognize how significant it is. “I missed you.” She whispers into his ear as he embraces her, and they share a quiet smile between them as he tells her that he’s missed her too.

Mike can see Harvey over Donna’s shoulder, and while it’s not that he’s not completely interested in all of the office gossip Donna is trying to catch him up on, it’s just that Harvey is a very real and very present distraction. Harvey just being Harvey is enough to distract anyone, especially someone who is head over their ass in love with him.

“I can tell you’re not listening to me, but I’m going to give you a pass. Just this once.” Donna says, bringing Mike back to reality.

“Sorry, I just-” But he doesn’t try to make excuses, because what really could he say? He knows that Donna knows. She probably knew before they really knew, and that’s fine with Mike because more and more he’s realizing that it just doesn’t matter who knows about them. What matters most to him is contained within the confines of this building: his friends, the law and Harvey Specter.

The same Harvey Specter who looks up at the exact moment Mike walks into his office. The same Harvey Specter who tries to be ruthless and cut throat in everything he does, but can’t help but smile like a school girl the second he sees Mike.

“Mr Ross. How nice of you to join us at,” He checks his watch mockingly, “Seven past nine. I hope we aren’t keeping you from something important.”

“Sorry boss,” Mike laughs softly, taking a seat on Harvey’s sofa. “I was up pretty late. You see, my boyfriend does this thing with his tongue-”

“Alright, alright.” Harvey interrupts, standing from his desk and taking a seat in the chair opposite Mike. “You get one of those and you just used it. From now on in the office you and I are just Mike Ross and Harvey Specter.”  
  
“As opposed to?” Mike questions, almost rolling his eyes but thinking better of it.  
  
“As opposed to Mike and Harvey.”  
  
“Because that makes total sense.”  
  
“Cut the sarcasm Mike, or I won't hesitate to fire your ass.”

“You like my ass.” Mike teases gently, just wanting to see how far he can push his luck.  
  
“I swear, Mike-” Harvey shakes his head and looks as though he’s about to go on a rant, before Mike interrupts him.  
  
“Harvey, I get it. We’re lawyers here. I know what you expect of me. I always have. It’s going to be fine.”

“Okay.” Harvey sighs heavily and moves back towards his desk. “There are some boxes in the file room for McMillan. He’s an old client with a new problem, something about a merger that didn’t go according to plan. We’ve got a meeting with him tomorrow morning so I want you to go through all the files and give me a quick rundown on all of his companies this afternoon. Think you can manage that, rookie?”

“You got it, Robin.”  
  
“You’re out of your god damn mind if you think you’re Batman and I’m Robin.” Harvey laughs gently before turning his attention back to his computer as Mike leaves his office, blissfully happy and walking on metaphorical sunshine.

As he’s making his way to the file room, he passes by Rachel’s office. She’s chewing on the end of a pencil and occasionally scribbling in the margins of the file, and the familiar scene causes a pang of regret in his chest. He wonders whether he’ll ever feel okay about what he’s done to her, whether he’ll forgive himself for the one time he’s ever been truly selfish and given himself exactly what he wanted. As he watches her, he’s almost overcome with the feeling of gratitude at just how perfect his life is right now. How lucky he is that someone whom he hurt so badly could even be _considering_ forgiving him, and how he never thought he would be so fortunate to have so many incredible things in his life.

Almost automatically he finds himself quickly walking back towards Harvey’s office, and he doesn’t even acknowledge Donna as he walks in and shuts the door.

“You’re fast, Mike. But you can’t be that fast. There are literally ten boxes down there.”

“I know we agreed five minutes ago that we aren’t going to discuss our relationship at work.” Mike starts, and he can feel his adrenaline in overdrive because he’s just never felt this happy before and he needs to say it before it consumes him. “But I love you. And I just want you to know how grateful I am that you exist. Not just because you make my life better, but because of how much better you make other peoples lives too. New York City is a better place because you’re here. Actually, the universe is a better place because you’re in it. I’m just…I’m really happy you exist. And I’m really happy that you picked me. At the Chilton back then, and a few months ago in your apartment, and this morning when you kissed my forehead and told me to get my ass out of bed or I’d be late – I’m just really glad that you keep choosing me. I promise I won’t talk about our relationship at work anymore, but I fell in love with you in this office and I felt like I needed to tell you how much I love you here, at least once.”

Harvey is taken aback by Mike’s sudden confession, and Mike could be forgiven for thinking that Harvey hasn’t heard him considering the lack of reaction and how long it takes Harvey to speak. He’s not usually lost for words, but he was not expecting this when he came to work this morning. Then again, he never really expected Mike Ross either and that’s been the best surprise of all.

“Mike, I…”

“No, it’s okay Harvey. I know you don’t like talking about this stuff, I just wanted you to know.” Mike stands, brushes something invisible of his pants and walks towards the door.

“Hey.” Harvey calls, and Mike turns expectantly. “I’m really glad you exist too.”

As Mike walks out of Harvey’s office for the second time in the space of fifteen minutes, he passes Donna berating Louis for something Mike isn’t even remotely interested in and he can’t help but think to himself;  
  
 _It's going to be a good day._


End file.
